Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
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