I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize