What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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