Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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