You can't motorboat a personality
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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