You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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