i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
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My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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