I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My feet surprised me
Randomize