a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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