its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize