She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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