I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize