Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
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I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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