Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize