he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
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We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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