i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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