I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
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Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
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I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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