I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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