fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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