so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
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If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
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just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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