I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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