I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
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I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
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So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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