last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
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i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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