I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize