You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
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I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
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In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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