I think I am morally bankrupt
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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