Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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