After last night, I could never be a politician.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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