WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Randomize