I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
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We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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