He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
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The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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