Define "chronic" masturbator.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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