You work out of a Hotel?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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