Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
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Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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