I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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