Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize