I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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