i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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