I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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