Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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