The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
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Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
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Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
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