I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the high leading the old right now
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize