my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
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We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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