At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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