The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
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Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
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Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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