i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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