is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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