as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I cut my penus on the lid.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize