i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
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It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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