Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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